Wor Ewan cum into the lab one day, "Now what do you think?" says he,
"I'm off to Brazil for a month or more to see what I can see."
At that we heaved a sigh of relief, a rest we thought we'd have,
But the devil, he left enough work behind to see us to the grave.
Now off he went to catch his plane, to Rio he thought he'd go,
But as they neared America, the hi-jacker said "No,
My home is in Bananaland and that is where we'll call,
The new regime will like this plane and the ransom for you all."
CHORUS: Well aye wor Ewan's a maizer, and a maizer he'll remain,
As long as we live we winnat forget the day he caught the plane.
We heard nothing more for three weeks or so of what became of the Prof.
And we settled down to a lazy time with all the pressure off.
Brian got used to the feel of his Chair, though Ella thought it wrong,
And that was how things went until the ransom note came along.
When Ella came into the Lab. one day a telegram she found,
Saying "You can have Professor Page if you give us a million pound."
She summoned us all to SB4 for a fund raising campaign,
And we gave her a hundred paper clips to buy him back again.
John Clowes and Brian Shaw said, "He cannot come back yet,
Even with the ones that failed our quota can't be met."
Jim said, "The timetable has tied itself in knots,"
And Roger said, "These little bits should be our new core box."
Nigel said, "Ed. Coffman's report has not yet gone to press,"
And Ian said, "A wall's come down and left his room a mess."
Brian said, "I'm the younger man the gypsy woman foretold,
I like his chair, so good riddance to Page, he can rot there 'till he's old."
The academics went off on their holidays and left their cares behind,
Ella turned to Elizabeth, no comfort there to find.
"It serves him right for going away, Jim and Brian and Ian as well,
And leaving me to cope with it all - no he can go to hell!"
Ella asked the V.C. and Dennison too, but they were as bad as the rest,
"This lucky chance has rid us both of a rival and a pest!"
Poor Ella now was in despair, whatever would Sheila say?
So imagine her astonishment when the Prof walked in next day.
It didn't take Ella long to tell what happened while he was away,
Ewan grinned to himself and summoned them all back from their holiday.
He called us all to SB4 his traveller's tale to tell,
How he had escaped from Bananaland and returned to us safe and well.
"I told them all the advantages a computer would have for them,
So they let me go to order one from dear old I.B.M.
I promised them I'd send it back; a brilliant professor too,
Dear Brian, you see, it's commision for me, and Bananaland for you!"
CHORUS: Well aye wor Brian's a maizer, . . .
Wor Brian cum into the Lab. one day . . .