One April Fools day
Ewan went
And sat down by the Wear
He thought of this, and thought of that
And had a good idea.
'Now what I need's a new machine
To do these sums of mine
I'll start a new laboratory
At Newcastle on Tyne
CHORUS:
Whis't lads, ha'd yer gobs
I'll tell you all an awful story
Whis't lads, ha'd yer gobs
I'll tell you 'bout the Lab
A secretary's what I need
(But they gave him Mrs. B.)
A little room for Ferdinand
And a great big one for me.
That's settled then, I'll need some staff
Elizabeth, Rod and Jim
When Ian's put the cables in
What will we do with him?
When Ferdinand was obsolete
We bought a KDF9
But he sold that for a Volvo
As we told you at the time.
Now mainframes come and go so fast
We never learn their names
Its getting them that matters most
The rest is just a game
The Lab it grows and grows and grows,
And grows an awful size:
The Tower, Daysh and Bridge Block,
And Eldon place besides,
The theatre may close, they say;
We wouldn't mind a bit -
A 168 upon the stage -
I wonder would it fit?
In time to come we'll gaze down from
Our common room, with views
Of an empire spread out wide below
As yet we wonder whose
For Ewan's been required to go
To more important things
He's Chairman of the Mafia
He now pulls all the strings